Jesus continued His Sermon on the Mount by speaking of divorce. This is such a sad topic but has been a very real subject in every culture since the beginning of time. Man loves woman, man marries woman, they don’t get along. It’s a story as old as time itself.
In the beginning, on day six, God created man and said that man should not be alone. God made him a woman and created the institution of marriage (Gen 2:24). She was meant to be a source of joy and comfort to him, and countless marriages have occurred since then, but not every union has been happy and joy filled. Marriage requires adult behavior and attitudes, much effort, and a lot of understanding but not all couples bring these things to the equation, and the results can be devastating. God knew man’s hard hearts and divorce came into being (Matt 19:8).
Let’s look closely at God’s scenario for divorce in Deut 24:1-4. First, it is clear that it was lawful, in the Old Testament, for a man to send away, or divorce, his wife. It was not lawful for a woman to send away, or divorce, her husband. Verse 1 of this text makes it seem very easy for a man to decide this but notice that it calls out specifically that he must be displeased with her because of some uncleanness he has found in her. Compare this with the justification Jesus cites for divorce in today’s text (Matt 5:31-32).
Being an ancient Middle Eastern culture where women had little status or rights, it became common practice that men were putting away their wives as they pleased. Justification sort of went out the window, and if a man decided he wanted a divorce, he didn’t necessarily worry about whether the woman had been a good wife or deserved to be abandoned. Some people believe, and will argue, that Jesus came along later on and changed the rules about divorce. I hope you can see, here, that Jesus is just citing the existing standard for divorce. Nothing has changed. Divorce is allowed in compassion for those who are tied to someone who is guilty of sexual sin. God’s position, or standard, hasn’t changed.
Next, we see in this passage from Deuteronomy, that if the wife marries a second husband, who also divorces her, the first husband cannot decide to marry her back. This is due to the justification for the divorce. If the woman performed such uncleanness that she had to be put away, twice, she is not a respectable, acceptable choice for a Godly man to take as a wife. If he takes her back, he is most likely lowering his standards and God says no to this.
Deuteronomy 22:13-21 tells us of another situation, under the law, which also speaks to the woman’s uncleanness. What is going on with this scenario? And verse 22 goes on to speak about what happens for punishment in the case of adultery. As you progress through the rest of Deut 22, you see that the subjects of marriage and sexual sin are very important to God and were very important topics in this ancient culture. The rules were spelled out in great detail. Scattered all throughout the Bible, you will find instructions concerning sexual sin… that is sex other than what is practiced between a husband and a wife in a marriage. Large portions of the Old Testament are devoted to these issues.
Jesus spoke often about marriage and considered it serious and permanent. Read Matt 19:8-12. He reiterates that when divorced people remarry, if they did not divorce over sexual sin, then the divorce was not legitimate, and their new marriage is considered adultery in God’s eyes. God means for our first marriage to be permanent. It is the way He designed it to be. But He is also compassionate and does not force us to remain in untenable situations where sexual sin is occurring.
No one will ever argue that marriage can be difficult. But with God’s help, two believers who are trusting and obeying His ways, must try to work through their problems and find a way to honor God in their relationship. The Bible encourages married couples to stay together (Prov 5:18, Eccl 9:9). We are also encouraged, in Proverbs, that finding a wife is a good thing (Prov 18:22). Marriage was designed by God to bring joy, not unhappiness, and we must live in God’s will and His ways to find that happiness.
Yes, marriages can be fixed when both partners are believers and are willing to do the work. But what if one partner is not a believer or is not willing to work at it? Does God intend us to stay miserable for the rest of our lives? Here again, I just want to say that God is compassionate. He did not create marriage for our torture. That is not to say that He gives us an easy out, but there are some special circumstances that the Bible addresses.
I Corinthians 7 is often referred to as the marriage chapter. It is full of much helpful advice which we are going to look at. But let’s start with the preface in I Cor 6:12-20. Before the Apostle Paul gets too deep into marriage, he writes this preface stating that our bodies are the Temple of the Holy Spirit. Our bodies ARE where God lives and therefore, sexual purity is not a matter up for discussion. We must flee from sexual sin at every opportunity. Whom we join our bodies together with IS ABSOLUTELY of great importance.
The beginning verses of I Cor 7 tell us not to deny our bodies to each other. A man and a woman MUST meet each other’s physical needs… critically important. Verses 10-11 go on to tell couples that they should remain married. In the Corinthian church at that time, celibacy (even within marriage) was being advocated and some people were even divorcing because they were finding it difficult to remain celibate within their marriage. This was definitely bad theology, and Paul was trying to put a stop to this. God created marriage. God created sex. Marriage IS where this is to be practiced. Paul was telling these misguided fools to stay married or to go back to their marriages. God is not against this.
In I Cor 7:12-16, the Bible addresses a different marriage… one where both partners are not necessarily believers. If you are a believer, married to an unbeliever, this section speaks to you. We are told that if your unbelieving spouse wishes to stay married to you, stay with them. If they wish to depart, let them depart. The Apostle Paul then goes on to explain that the believing spouse has a responsibility to live their life as a witness for the unbelieving spouse. How one loves and treats their spouse, despite religious differences, can make a huge impact on how the unbelieving spouse views and understands Christianity. The cause of Christ is always our most important matter.
Verses 17-24 of this passage address a related issue concerning whatever status we were in when we came to know Christ. If I become a believer but I was already divorced and remarried, or separated, or living with a non-believer, or wherever my past might have taken me, what should I do about past actions? Should I leave my adulterous second marriage, etc.? In this section of Scripture, we are told that, no, we should not try to rewrite history. Whatever status we are in when we become believers, we should continue in that status to the best of our ability. Stay in that second marriage, stay with that unbelieving spouse, do not make matters worse trying to fix things. Begin treating that second or third marriage as holy and precious and seek to live within it according to God’s ways. It is His will.
If you are currently in a struggling marriage, the Bible is the answer you should be seeking. Ephesians 5:21-33 speaks to us about how to live appropriately within marriage. 1 Peter 3:5-9 tells us ways to bring healing to a marriage. And, of course, 1 Corinthians 13 tells us what love (charity) is all about. Do not give up on your marriage, if you can help it. God wants to heal it.
Responding to God: Praise God for His love and thank Him for always having a plan to provide for our needs. Worship Him for always being in control. Ask for patience in those times when things are not going as we think they should and for the ability to trust Him. Ask His help in healing problem areas in your marriage. Pray for your spouse’s role in your marriage. Seek His protection over your partnership from sexual sin. Flee from inappropriate temptations.
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